Q&A Is It Common for the Wayward Spouse to Not Know 'Why' This Far in Recovery?

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Question: 

We are 6 months post D-day, just finished EMS Online, and found it to be incredibly helpful in our recovery. I am grateful for the program and the hope it has given us. The program material did a nice job addressing relationship issues but know that is only part of the recovery. The other part of recovery is the individual, personal growth, on both parties. My husband is not making effort for his personal growth or trying to figure out his "why". I understand that I cannot make him motivated to understand his shortcomings and the impact that his childhood has to do with how he deals with marriage. I would like to know of specific books, websites, apps and what kind of specialized individual therapy we should look for his assistance in digging deep enough to find his why and for my recovery as well. Otherwise, I feel he is not safe in the relationship. Is this common to still not know his why?

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Not knowing why needed for the betrayed

Rick I have a really hard time not knowing why my husband cheated on me because he felt the need to have sex with almost all of my friends and then had affair and I really truly thought our sex life was great even tho we didn't connect in alot of other areas and also he did cheat on his first wife but told me he was never happy with her and he could never hurt someone like that again and I believed him so weve been thru emso and are starting married for life and we still don't know why and The thing is I know he loves me..

question is

how can he find out or how can I get past that I feel I need to know why in order to feel safe