Q&A Should I Just Divorce and Leave Him?

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Question: 

Hi Rick,

Continuing down the path of recovery and keep coming up against the same question. Why? If a person claims to have integrity and love, you how can they maintain an affair for a year? “Integrity is not conditional” - I believe I read in one of your articles. My husband went to great lengths during his affair, while I was happiest, to keep the affair going and ensure I would NEVER believe him capable of one. And I didn’t. Not a clue. Many discussions on affairs, cheating, deception, choice etc. and I was being lied to all the while. I've tried to get this out of my mind and I'm very stuck. How can I trust my husband after this?? How can I possibly know or believe a word he says or think we share the same values? It seems nonsensical to me. The fact it happened is so hard to believe. There was zero respect and zero protection from something that has blown my/our world apart. Deep down I feel this may be Gods way of saying "enough". I know God has forgiven him, he is a good person at his core, he deserves love and to be trusted again. I can even say I want that for him! I just don't see how I can be that person for him now. I’m so tired. I never gave up on him and saw his issues for many years. Now it just seems to me the final straw. To deceive me in this way has caused me pain I didn't think possible. I’m at a total loss. When is it time to go? I can't handle seeing him feel so badly. My goal is to not keep punishing him. I can't seem to regain my balance either. I think I may be one of those people who simply cannot get beyond this kind of betrayal. It has been a year since DDay. I appreciate any thoughts you may have.

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