Q&A Is It Reasonable for Me to Maintain My Boundaries and File for Divorce?

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We have been married for 27 years, with 2 children: 21 and 25. My husband has had 3 affairs -- two of them with the same woman, eighteen years apart. The most recent affair began in August 2016, with his former AP from 1998. He moved out in November and he filed for divorce. In the beginning of February 2017, he stated he had ended it with his AP and asked if we could try to reconcile. I agreed, but said he had to enter individual therapy; enter marital counseling; and provide me with access to cell phone and credit card accounts. He agreed to all 3 requirements, and he withdrew the petition for divorce. He wanted to move back into the house by June, but I said I needed more time. He quit marriage counseling after two sessions. He still refuses to open up his phone and accounts. We are still living apart, and he has "disappeared" for 5 different weekends since April without telling me where he went. We have been to two sessions of discernment counseling. I have explicitly stated that I don’t feel safe and can’t commit to marriage counseling without transparency and honesty. Is it reasonable for me to attach so much significance on his lack of transparency and continued secrecy and file for divorce, even though he is continually saying he wants to reconcile? Thank you.



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