Q&A Is It Useful to Think about What Could've Happened?

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Question: 

My husband had a 3 year affair. By D-Day, he had decided to leave me, but is adamant that he never intended to leave me FOR his AP. He claims that he didn't want to be with her - he wanted me. Apparently, he was going to live in our car and continue to help me manage our family, whilst attempting to reconstruct our relationship. His purpose in leaving me, was - apparently - to strip our marriage back to its foundations and rebuild it bit by bit. My husband didn't leave me on D-Day - I found out about the affair before he could put his plan into action. He ended it with her fairly quickly, stayed with me and is nearing the end of EMSO. He didn't see his affair as an affair, but purely as work, friendship, and ministry with a bit of sex thrown in 'by mistake'. But I now battle with what could've happened if he'd have left me and ended up with her. I think about her constantly in terms of what might have happened and what might have been. Would she do arts and crafts with our children? Would she know how to make my husband's coffee? Would they frolic in the sea if they were to go on holiday? He agrees now that him leaving me would almost certainly have led to the two of them living together and so, I can't see why it's objectionable to think about what could have happened.

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