Q&A Is It Useful to Think about What Could've Happened?

To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
Gain unlimited access to over 1,800 articles and expert Q&A videos.
Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.


My husband had a 3 year affair. By D-Day, he had decided to leave me, but is adamant that he never intended to leave me FOR his AP. He claims that he didn't want to be with her - he wanted me. Apparently, he was going to live in our car and continue to help me manage our family, whilst attempting to reconstruct our relationship. His purpose in leaving me, was - apparently - to strip our marriage back to its foundations and rebuild it bit by bit. My husband didn't leave me on D-Day - I found out about the affair before he could put his plan into action. He ended it with her fairly quickly, stayed with me and is nearing the end of EMSO. He didn't see his affair as an affair, but purely as work, friendship, and ministry with a bit of sex thrown in 'by mistake'. But I now battle with what could've happened if he'd have left me and ended up with her. I think about her constantly in terms of what might have happened and what might have been. Would she do arts and crafts with our children? Would she know how to make my husband's coffee? Would they frolic in the sea if they were to go on holiday? He agrees now that him leaving me would almost certainly have led to the two of them living together and so, I can't see why it's objectionable to think about what could have happened.



RL_Media Type: 

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer

Free Surviving Infidelity Bootcamp

Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. Be intentional with your healing with this free 7-day bootcamp.
I would highly recommend giving this a try.
-D, Texas