Q&A Is My Mate Doing Enough to Heal and Be Safe?

To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
Gain unlimited access to over 1,800 articles and expert Q&A videos.
Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.


My unfaithful husband keeps saying that he's willing to do whatever it takes to heal our marriage. But over the past six months since discovery and disclosure, the only thing I've seen him do it go to a weekly recovery group - the same one he began going to four years ago after his first two affairs. I do see a new side to him. He appears to be undergoing a heart change. But it's been five months since he acted out and he has gone that long before. I don't know what to look for. I've asked him to go to counseling with a CSAT but there aren't any in our area so he's not going to counseling at all. I've asked him to be diligent about doing the recovery workbook he received as part of his group four years ago but he has barely touched it in these past six months. He is sweet, tender, his countenance is changed... I DO see change. Or at least I think I see change... I don't know what to believe. I've been told to believe actions, not words and many of his actions are different but the vast majority of the recovery actions just aren't there. He is different and if I were to ask him to move out because I don't see him working his recovery and therefore don't feel safe, I think he would be completely blind sighted. I feel like I'm going crazy. I don't know what to believe. I don't know what to trust. I don't know what to do. I'm in the Harboring Hope course right now. I know that life is busy. We have kids, jobs, etc. But you have to make time for recovery, don't you? He hates being controlled and I don't want to micromanage him or be his mother. He says he'll do whatever it takes, but I don't see him doing that. I feel like I'm just consistently hearing excuses for why he can't do something.



RL_Media Type: 

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer

Free Surviving Infidelity Bootcamp

Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. Be intentional with your healing with this free 7-day bootcamp.
I would highly recommend giving this a try.
-D, Texas