Q&A Is My Mate Doing Enough to Heal and Be Safe?

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Question: 

My unfaithful husband keeps saying that he's willing to do whatever it takes to heal our marriage. But over the past six months since discovery and disclosure, the only thing I've seen him do it go to a weekly recovery group - the same one he began going to four years ago after his first two affairs. I do see a new side to him. He appears to be undergoing a heart change. But it's been five months since he acted out and he has gone that long before. I don't know what to look for. I've asked him to go to counseling with a CSAT but there aren't any in our area so he's not going to counseling at all. I've asked him to be diligent about doing the recovery workbook he received as part of his group four years ago but he has barely touched it in these past six months. He is sweet, tender, his countenance is changed... I DO see change. Or at least I think I see change... I don't know what to believe. I've been told to believe actions, not words and many of his actions are different but the vast majority of the recovery actions just aren't there. He is different and if I were to ask him to move out because I don't see him working his recovery and therefore don't feel safe, I think he would be completely blind sighted. I feel like I'm going crazy. I don't know what to believe. I don't know what to trust. I don't know what to do. I'm in the Harboring Hope course right now. I know that life is busy. We have kids, jobs, etc. But you have to make time for recovery, don't you? He hates being controlled and I don't want to micromanage him or be his mother. He says he'll do whatever it takes, but I don't see him doing that. I feel like I'm just consistently hearing excuses for why he can't do something.

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