Q&A Is Sending an Apology Letter the Right Thing to Do?

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Question: 

I am struggling deeply with guilt regarding what I did to my affair partner's spouse, who was my best friend. My affair partner and I had a 2-month-affair and discovery was about 10 weeks ago. I have not spoken to my affair partner or his wife, my best friend, since then. I am in individual therapy and my husband and I are doing couples therapy as well as EMS Online. I plan to do Hope for Healing after EMS Online. We are doing well and I believe we are on a good path towards healing individually and together. The affair partner and his wife were our closest friends as a couple and she had been my best friend for 5 years. It's hard for me to even fathom how I did this to her and I feel terrible. I am struggling with whether to send her an apology and if so, when the right timing would be. I think I owe her an apology but I don't want to hurt her further. I have no expectation of restoring the relationship but I care about her deeply and want to communicate how much I regret the decisions I made and the pain they caused her. I've been advised to wait some time to give both of us some time to heal before offering an apology. Is sending an apology letter the right thing to do? And if so, is there a right time to do it?

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Her perspective

I am the BW, and my husband had an affair with the wife of close family friends. Our kids are the same ages and we spent a lot of time together, even taking vacations all together. She has not tried to make any contact with me, and I wish she would write me an apology letter. At this point (almost 4 months since Discovery) I am not sure what to think, and wonder if she feels any remorse about what she did to me and my kids. I don’t think I could handle a face to face encounter, so a letter seems the most appropriate medium.

Apology letter

I am a BH and my WW's AP I had know much longer than my Wife of 17 years at the time of the Affair. Sorry Wayne but you are Wrong on this. You are answering from the Unfaithful side. The longer time goes by the worse it will be. It will reopen the BW's wounds. Love your Video's but this one needs the Betrayeds view.

Dave