Q&A Why Can't I Stop Thinking about the Affair Partner?

To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
Gain unlimited access to over 1,800 articles and expert Q&A videos.
Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.


I’ve enjoyed the Q&A on limerence and intrusive thoughts. They have described my situation exactly. I betrayed my wife 22 months ago and she found out right away. I’ve broken off all contact with my affair partner 20 months ago. I have committed myself to restoring my marriage. I’ve been through counseling, joined the affair recovery program, met with pastors and Stephens ministers. However, not a day has gone by that I don’t think of my affair partner. Everything reminds me of her. I feel trapped. I feel ashamed. I feel like it’s blocking me from moving forward or experiencing full restoration of my marriage. It makes me quite depressed some days. Why is this still happening? How long will it continue? How can I end it? I’m reading the Bible, praying and continuing course work. Things are much better with my wife and our marriage. I just can’t stop the intrusive thoughts. I fear that one day I’ll see her and it will start all over again.



RL_Media Type: 

Same boat.

You aren’t alone. I’m in the very same boat. It feels like torture. I’m anxious to get answers. I’d you don’t mind me asking,
How long did your affair last? Was it both sexual and emotional?

How did it work out for you -

How did it work out for you - I'm keen to find out what may have worked

When do we just accept that maybe they can't move on?

I read and hear all of these things about limerence, dopamine and other neurological reasons people may struggle getting through their affairs and as the betrayed spouse I have shared these and would personally love it if they were the reason my UH cannot seem to move forward, but what about the reality of it just being real love ? At what point do we just both realize perhaps he really did meet the love of his life and he deserves to be happy and the betrayed spouse should just move on?

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer

Free Surviving Infidelity Bootcamp

Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. Be intentional with your healing with this free 7-day bootcamp.
I would highly recommend giving this a try.
-D, Texas