Q&A What Do You Do When Ambivalence and Limerance Don't Cover It?

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I joined a group/cult when I was young  I accepted direction of breaking off a relationship with my girlfriend (i planned on marrying). 4-5 years later my Ex got married to someone else (she called, I knew I was still in-love).  I ended up marrying my now wife based on the direction and approval of persons within the group.  Had an extended affair with my Ex (now divorced) last year My wife now knows that I was just seeking approval rather than desiring her; if we didn't have kids we'd be over. I believe God wants me to work on my marriage regardless of how I got into it.  I don't trust anyone these days and based on my track record I shouldn't trust myself; after EMSO my brain says just go back to pretending for my kids sake. What do you do when "Ambivalence and Limerence" don't cover it, and I've spent a lifetime of stuffing?

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