Q&A When Will I Stop Asking Questions?

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Question: 

It has been a little over three months since disclosure. My husband cheated three times, each with a different women. None of them were long term or emotional, just physical contact or exchanging of pictures. But with three different women and all being a different type of affair, there is a lot to process. We are currently in week seven of the EMS Online. Other than Christmas, it seems as though everyday we talk about the affairs and what I’m going through and what he’s going through. But everyday I have new questions, or I ask questions I’ve already asked. Sometimes because I truly forgot the answer or sometimes I ask the same question in a different way for reassurance. I am wondering when will all the questions stop? I understand I can choose to not ask them, however I have been trying to follow the book in regards to what questions you shouldn’t ask. But even the “right” questions that are consistently in my mind are wearing me and my husband down.

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When, When, When ?

It's been over 5 years since I found out my life was a lie.
My "husband" was a husband to so many women.... my identify which was tied with his, extinguished.
When will I stop asking ......
Five years have passed since initial disclosure and I haven't stopped asking ... asking when, how, what, why, why, why...?

At night...from exhaustion I sleep, from sheer exhaustion I "rest". Only to wake in a a moment of blissful ignorance and then the pain floods through my veins like a coarsely sharp stabbing pain of continuous shock.

When will I stop asking? When the moon ceases to flood the night with beautiful light, touching the edge of petals in the night garden. When the sun ceases to rise, warm and fresh in the East. When my heart beats it last. When my eyes finally rest forever shut. When I am no longer - the last thing they will write on my grave is "Why did you betray me?". (Trust me I will make sure of it in my will!)

I will not cease asking why .... ever, Why? Because it will never, ever make sense to me - the man who pretends to live in my presence and profess to love me, who loved so many others.... Why? Because I was a good mother who loved her daughters, because I was a successful employee who worked her backside off to get a great job, because I didn't dedicate my every waking hour to the selfish man who claims to love....

Why? - not the question I bother to ask these days. The question I ask is now How long? How long must I count the days till death? How long has it been since the eyes of love looked into mine? How long oh God ... How long must I suffer this unrecoverable life of hell?

I didn't ask to be born ... I didn't ask to enter into this game of desperate disfunction ... I didn't ask for betrayal. I asked for a good partner ... to walk beside me ... apparently, I asked for too much.

When? ....

Life is but a poor shadow, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage...... that's when.

When, When, When ?

It's been over 5 years since I found out my life was a lie.
My "husband" was a husband to so many women.... my identify which was tied with his, extinguished.
When will I stop asking ......
Five years have passed since initial disclosure and I haven't stopped asking ... asking when, how, what, why, why, why...?

At night...from exhaustion I sleep, from sheer exhaustion I "rest". Only to wake in a a moment of blissful ignorance and then the pain floods through my veins like a coarsely sharp stabbing pain of continuous shock.

When will I stop asking? When the moon ceases to flood the night with beautiful light, touching the edge of petals in the night garden. When the sun ceases to rise, warm and fresh in the East. When my heart beats it last. When my eyes finally rest forever shut. When I am no longer - the last thing they will write on my grave is "Why did you betray me?". (Trust me I will make sure of it in my will!)

I will not cease asking why .... ever, Why? Because it will never, ever make sense to me - the man who pretends to live in my presence and profess to love me, who loved so many others.... Why? Because I was a good mother who loved her daughters, because I was a successful employee who worked her backside off to get a great job, because I didn't dedicate my every waking hour to the selfish man who claims to love....

Why? - not the question I bother to ask these days. The question I ask is now How long? How long must I count the days till death? How long has it been since the eyes of love looked into mine? How long oh God ... How long must I suffer this unrecoverable life of hell?

I didn't ask to be born ... I didn't ask to enter into this game of desperate disfunction ... I didn't ask for betrayal. I asked for a good partner ... to walk beside me ... apparently, I asked for too much.

When? ....

Life is but a poor shadow, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage...... that's when.

When, When, When ?

It's been over 5 years since I found out my life was a lie.
My "husband" was a husband to so many women.... my identify which was tied with his, extinguished.
When will I stop asking ......
Five years have passed since initial disclosure and I haven't stopped asking ... asking when, how, what, why, why, why...?

At night...from exhaustion I sleep, from sheer exhaustion I "rest". Only to wake in a a moment of blissful ignorance and then the pain floods through my veins like a coarsely sharp stabbing pain of continuous shock.

When will I stop asking? When the moon ceases to flood the night with beautiful light, touching the edge of petals in the night garden. When the sun ceases to rise, warm and fresh in the East. When my heart beats it last. When my eyes finally rest forever shut. When I am no longer - the last thing they will write on my grave is "Why did you betray me?". (Trust me I will make sure of it in my will!)

I will not cease asking why .... ever, Why? Because it will never, ever make sense to me - the man who pretends to live in my presence and profess to love me, who loved so many others.... Why? Because I was a good mother who loved her daughters, because I was a successful employee who worked her backside off to get a great job, because I didn't dedicate my every waking hour to the selfish man who claims to love....

Why? - not the question I bother to ask these days. The question I ask is now How long? How long must I count the days till death? How long has it been since the eyes of love looked into mine? How long oh God ... How long must I suffer this unrecoverable life of hell?

I didn't ask to be born ... I didn't ask to enter into this game of desperate disfunction ... I didn't ask for betrayal. I asked for a good partner ... to walk beside me ... apparently, I asked for too much.

When? ....

Life is but a poor shadow, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage...... that's when.

I am so sorry!! deeply sorry!

I am so sorry!! deeply sorry!! feeling the same!!I just pray this pain can go away from both of us! I send you a big hug!