Q&A How Do I Get My Husband to Tell the Truth?

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Question: 

We are almost 17 months past D-Day. My husband was caught in a three month physical affair that started with a stranger on Instagram. On D-day, I received an anonymous text, which I thought was a wrong number, and then later I received all the horrible, traumatizing details from the AP. I’ve had some PTSD treatment, but mostly talk therapy. I still have consistent thoughts of their physical intimacy and the things they said to each other that you should only say to the person you’re married to. We completed EMSO, I’ve completed HH, he’s completed H4H, we are in MFL, and we have been in counseling together and separately since D-day. I do believe we have a brand new marriage and the work is paying off. Here is where I struggle: He has never confessed any of it, on his own, without interrogation or the presenting of evidence. He has always held on to the lies until he had no choice. He insists it was over the day of the text, no contact since, and he never wants to be that guy again, which I believe. He has not shown me that he can change this truth telling character trait. I need to see that change in him to know he can do this if I am to feel that we truly have a new relationship. I told him that this is why I cannot 100% move on, and he just becomes angry and defensive, and says, “my heart is clear”. He refuses a polygraph because his background is law enforcement and he says that they are not reliable. Do I draw the line in the sand? Do I go the rest of my life making the best of it and possibly never witnessing my husband change this character trait that was ingrained in him since childhood?

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