Q&A Why do They Continue to Lie?

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It's been 15 months since our first D-Day and my husband has been working hard through our healing. He immediately cut off contact with AP, he has been present with me and showed me love. However, over the last 2 weeks I have uncovered 3 more lies, then he came forward with 2 more. This is the first time he's been forthcoming in this process. Prior to this, he waited until I uncovered things and he wouldn't deny them.

These lies are so silly to hang onto. The truth actually made me feel better as it made way more sense than what he was originally presenting. He explains it as lying so much at the onset to minimize and try to soften the blow, that he then couldn't right the ship. I gave him many opportunities to come clean but he continued with the lying.

I understand that trickle truth happens, but when does one say, "You’ve had enough time to hold on to this stuff."? Now I feel that he can never be trusted. It's almost like he's sabotaging himself and us.

Can you give me any insight into this mindset? Please share your thoughts on what I might do from here.



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I'm struggling with the same thing. My UH keeps holding on to things and coming clean here and there. He doesn't seem to understand that each new truth restarts the clock. How can I trust him ever again? What's more frustrating is that some of the lies aren't even a big deal. Just stop lying already.


This! Finally, I feel that I understand. This was EXACTLY the video I needed to see tonight.

Yes. Where there is secrecy.

Yes. Where there is secrecy. There can be NO true intimacy. So their omission now sucks life out of the present, not just the past.

What type of affair was it?

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-D, Texas