Q&A Where Do I Go from Here?

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We are in EMSO week 12 and we are 2 years post the first D Day. I have been waiting a long time to see some changes in our communication. I still get eye rolling, defensiveness, and in general, "Why are you still talking about this?" attitude from my husband. 2 years ago, after the initial affair D Day he confessed to affairs dating back 9 years with people I know and don't know, and then recently during EMSO confessed to another one night encounter. It's a lot to take in and process. I'm still incredibly hurt and the long drawn out trickle of information and incredible lies that all happened during the long discovery phase has made recovery difficult for me.

He has said sorry a few times, as a general I'm sorry, but I feel in general there has been a real lack of apologizing. I feel like when I open my heart to tell him how I feel, I need to hear he is sorry... over and over until I can believe it. Because I want to believe it. But what happens instead, is I get the things I mentioned above or just silence. He just says nothing! I've given him articles to read, even when I've felt emotionally strong enough I've modeled what I need (which I hate doing because it hurts) but he still doesn't say anything, he says he doesn't know what to say... and I've told him he needs to figure it out.

I feel like I'm forever being held up in my recovery by his lack of empathy and his resistance to helping me. He wants to move on and act as if it never happened. He's given some great answers in EMSO, but I don't feel it translating into everyday life... it's almost like his answers are just for show. Where do we go from here? He doesn't seem to get it?



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