What’s the Most Effective Role for Me?

Rick, My wife had a 2 year affair with a co-worker. We are 5 months post D-Day. She feels I am not concerned about her feelings and tell her what she is "doing wrong" in helping me heal. She feels I don't see the effort she is putting forth to make amends. She feels I discount her position as the unfaithful and am not supportive in helping her deal with her pain. I know that I can't be totally objective and give her the level of support that she needs right now. It’s difficult to show overwhelming compassion to someone who caused me so much pain and anger. I feel like she expects me to be her healer. She does not have anyone to confide in other than our joint marriage counselor every two weeks. I have contacted two faith-based resources who were willing to help her, but she declined both. I feel trapped in that I can't communicate with her honestly about my feelings because she takes much of what I say as an insult or attack and that creates a belief in her that I am not concerned about her feelings. I feel like she has taken responsibility for her actions, but is not willing to humble herself now and do whatever it takes to save our marriage. I would hope that after what she's done she could at least be willing to endure some difficult conversations and follow through with actions. What is the most effective role I can play for both of us? Thanks for your feedback.