Q&A Why Am I So Troubled by the Sexual Aspect of the Affair?

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Question: 

I am a betrayed wife and I have read in the Affair Recovery materials that betrayed spouses often can get over what their mates did sexually faster than they can get over the deception. I am having the most difficulty, however, with what my husband did sexually. For a decade, I believed we had only had sex with each other...saving ourselves for marriage. Now I have discovered not only was he promiscuous before we met, but has also been unfaithful by seeing prostitutes. I have tried to explain my pain regarding this to my husband, but he thinks I am upset because now I want to have sex with someone else since he has as well. That's not it. Can you help me try and put into words why this element of healing is so difficult for me and also offer words of encouragement to help me move on. He has had sex with multiple partners now, and I still only know him and do not want to be stuck on this forever.

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