Q&A Can I Stay With a Sex Addict?

To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
Gain unlimited access to over 700 articles, podcasts, and video.
Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.

Question: 

In early 2014 my husband confessed to having many affairs in the first 10 years of our marriage. We have now been married 16 years. I am devastated and really in distress over it. He lived a secret life and I have 4 children with him. He is very remorseful, which I am grateful for, but my life is forever changed. He was also recently diagnosed with a sex addiction which I find very scary and this in itself may just be too much. We are working through things (apprehensively) but it has been extremely volatile and very difficult. I am not sure if we will remain married. He has volunteered to take polygraphs annually, which I am appreciative of. I know I could not remain married without him doing that. But, a huge piece remains. For those that are aware of sex addiction, your mind is changed, and they say it is changed forever. You have neuropathways that will always remain. They may be rogue images or past memories that pop up in your mind uninvited, and even if they are completely unwanted. One may struggle with seeing females as sex figures constantly in their everyday life. He does. They get 'lust hits' when a pretty/sexy woman is around or in view even if it’s for a quick second. This can happen 1-20 times per day, maybe more. For me, the betrayed, I feel betrayed by knowing this happens. I don't know if I can live with this. Even if he tells me about it, just knowing that this is occurring is very hurtful. What advice can you give? I have prayed that God would literally fix and mend his mind/brain. I think this may be a deal breaker for me. I can't stand to think that he gets a feeling from other women around and has to look away and fight not taking a second look. This disgusts me, to put in plainly. There are many resources out there. What would you ultimately recommend? He has read Out of the Shadows and the book from Mark Laaser. Anything else? He is also part of a 12 step program. However, I do recall you mentioning another author, and I thought you mentioned that this particular author's book was especially helpful. I don't recall the name of that author. If you know who I am referring to, please let me know.

Sections: 

RL_Category: 

RL_Media Type: 

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer