Q&A Why Can't We Talk About It?

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My wife and I are trying to reconcile after her affair with a coworker. We have been at this for 6 months, attended the EMS Weekend, and were making some progress until recently. My wife has shown remorse and has taken responsibility for what she has done, but will not initiate conversation about the subject to show her remorse or share with me her feelings on the past or present. She has never been very good at apologizing or showing heartfelt compassion, but she does participate in conversation when I bring up the affair. With her lack of voluntary conversation I feel like I am carrying this alone and if it was up to her that we would never discuss this again. She refuses to initiate after I have asked for her help in doing so. She recently informed me that "If I continued to go down the road I am on (pain and hurt about the past) that she would not be able to stay." She told me that, she would be OK without me, and realized that her stating these things may push me further from her, but she was willing to take that risk because that's how she felt. She also wants me to stop trying to fix her, and work on me, but I feel like I need to understand her actions before I can move forward. She looks at that as me trying to "fix" her.



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