Q&A Why is my Husband Resisting Change?

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Question: 

Hi Rick

My question is why is my husband still resisting change and not doing what it takes to make me feel safe? When we first decided to try and mend our marriage he promised he would do anything it took and be totally transparent. Now he seems to be going back on that promise. He still doesn't feel happy with me looking through his phone - he prefers to show me that there are no messages, emails etc. but he won't let me check it without him. I have told him it makes me suspicious, I am questioning what he still has to hide, why won't he let me look at it if there is nothing to find?

He says he needs that one last bit of control, otherwise he doesn't feel free, and feels like a child. He cannot see that it is just making me feel unsafe and unwilling to trust him and love him again. If he wanted to repair our marriage why wouldn't he do what I need to make me feel safe? He just refuses. Please tell me, is this normal behavior or is he still hiding something? We are 9 weeks in from the most recent D-day and he's had several relapses before. I am so worried this is a sign of another one.

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