Q&A How Do You Begin Recovery?

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Hi Rick,
My d-day was now 5 weeks ago. My husband had an affair that started as EA for 7mths then went to PA for 8mths. I confronted him and he ended it. 

I know he reciprocated words of love and many times during physical acts. He seems to have woken up out of a bubble of fantasy and landed in shame. He says there's no contact, we are in therapy and watch videos from AR but I struggle with knowing this is over and whether he will have limerance. He says the reason we are not being intimate is that talking about the affair makes him feel small and shameful. We didn't have sex throughout his affair. I struggled with self-confidence for years about sex and will be working with my individual counselor on this topic. He also seems to think that this was the only magic storm that could have come together for him to betray me like this - work stress, resentment for me, and the opportunity of the AP presented. This attitude worries me greatly and I'm not sure the counselor is getting anywhere with this yet but is it just too soon?

Can you talk about how to handle the first few weeks on either side of the table? Where is the betrayed's head? How should we deal with each other? We have elementary aged kids and we are trying to hold it together and keep them from knowing anything. My husband is getting frustrated with me for not being able to smile in the moment or feel joy. Right now I feel like I'm just fighting to be upright most days.



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-D, Texas