Rick Reynolds, LCSW
by Rick Reynolds, LCSW
Founder & President, Affair Recovery

We Started Well, but...

It's strange how life changes. In the beginning when Stephanie and I first met, my motivation for spending time with her was simply because I liked it. She was a blast and I couldn't get enough. In fact, I took advantage of every opportunity to spend time with her. However, once married much of that changed. For some reason, after marriage I began trying to please her and make her happy. Not to say that there weren't moments of enjoyment, but that wasn't the main point. Even worse, sometimes…
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We started well...but

Hi Rick,   I was reading your letter of encouragement and I myself will try and I know I will fail sometimes but anyway I will try to do that advise of enjoying your spouse instead of trying to please them.  I really do enjoy when I have time, to read and learn any thoughts or ideas from your website.  Thanks again.  Diane

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This is great Rick... thanks so much for this posting. It's so true, practical, and helpfull. I would like more of this kind of help... specially for the ones like us who live abroad.

Kindest regards from South America

we started well

This is a great perspective and whole heartedly agree. But sometimes I think to choose loving someone during rough times means doing self sacrificing things to please them as long as it doesn't cross boundaries or become codependent as you mentioned. For example- I may choose to go to watch a football game which isn't something I enjoy, but is something he enjoys because I know it helps him feel wanted. One extra thought is that maybe in healthy relationships it is the process of enjoying and pleasing from both sides that makes it work verses one sided. I know in my situation I chose to enjoy him as he was but he chose to not enjoy me. I didn't meet some unrealistic criteria and do the things that catered to that criteria. It was an impossible expectation I could never have kept up doing. To be loved and wanted for who you are, who God created you to be seems to be the best kind of love-not a performance love.

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