Rick Reynolds, LCSW
by Rick Reynolds, LCSW
Founder & President, Affair Recovery

A Protocol for Reminders

Protocol reminders

“Rick, how do I deal with the reminders?” is a question I’m asked just about every day. The pain of the reminder is excruciating, I know. Often times a reminder can come so fast you don’t know it till it hits you and when it hits you, it usually strikes with a blow that makes you shudder. While reminders can be an everyday occurrence for the first year or so, they are not to be taken lightly. They have within them, the power to push buttons that no one should have pushed and no one wants pushed. Nevertheless, the most we can do is expect them to come and have a plan for when they do come.  It does get easier and you do get smarter in your coping skills.

Take for example Samuel’s most recent story of a reminder. I’d like to invite you to watch his latest vlog on a very telling, very personal story from just two weeks ago: 

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From the other side of the coin, Lynn shares about six pivotal things that her husband did to help her deal during the difficult and trying times.  As you’ll see from the comments, it’s a must watch: 

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I thought it necessary to include a few other resources that are sure to help you both cope with a journey filled with reminders and triggers: 

  1. Dealing with Reminders
  2. Intrusive Thoughts After the Affair: How to Manage Flooding
  3. Finally, in an attempt to fill your cup with as much help as possible to cope with reminders, I wanted to share with you a Expert Q&A Video I’ve recently done to help provide some very specific counter measures for your recovery.
Video:

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Our upcoming EMS Weekend is March 18th-20th and we still have a few spots left, but they are sure to go fast.  I’d like to invite you to consider attending our weekend to find the hope and the direction you both need for your own personal restoration as well as possibly your marriage. I know it’s an investment of hard earned finances and time, but I promise you it will be worth it in the end for all parties involved in your story.    Your story is unfolding and remember every great story has a dark chapter or two. I’m confident we can help you start a new chapter of redemption and hope for your story.

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Comments

THANK YOU... Triggers seem to be the last stronghold

I greatly appreciate ALL of the comments and suggestion AR provides regarding reminders/triggers. As the Betrayed, I find that "no matter how hard I try" to walk out forgiveness and grace... I am often caught off guard and smacked down by painful reminders. It is so discouraging and very hard to believe that it won't always be like this. We are 20 months since D-day and triggers still knock me down with full force. I do find encouragement that it is getting a little bit easier to "get back up" from them. Trigger Weary!

Triggers

Triggers and reminders are even harder when your spouse goes back to communicating with the AP. When you are slowly working to get to a better place; more lies and deception make it even harder. It is like starting back beyond D day. D day for me was 7 months ago. 3 months ago he fell back into her arms and I caught him that very first day. Had I not- I am sure the affair would have picked up where it left off. Now every time he travels for work the anxiety is excruciating. A simple email from him telling me his travel schedule brings waves of shock and terror. I know it is early in my recovery process; but I long for the day that I don't think about the affair. I long for the day that I believe he once again sees me as the most amazing woman in his life (besides his 2 daughters). But for now, it seems that every day is filled with reminders and triggers.

What type of affair was it?

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