Q&A Am I Wasting My Time Hoping He Can Truly Change?

Submitted by Leslie_Hardie 4 years ago

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Question: 

My husband is emotionally immature, according to my therapist; who has also seen us as a couple. I’m not sure if I should continue with this therapist. Her first husband cheated on her and she has told me more than once that she couldn’t stay in a relationship like that, that most of her clients don’t stay together; but who knows maybe we will be the first. She has also indicated that my husband will remain emotionally immature and I have to decide if his behaviors are something I can live with in order to stay married. We are in week 2 of EMS Online, I completed Harboring Hope. This therapist has been helpful with other issues. I have PTSD from a car accident in 2019 and my dad’s fatal farming accident in 2013 but I am not sure if I should continue with her and is she right? Am I wasting my time hoping he can truly change?

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I would highly recommend giving this a try.
 
-D, Texas

I would think that it would

Submitted by [name hidden] on

I would think that it would be very important to seek a second opinion on something as important as your marriage; I would not trust the thoughts of one person. What do others who know the both of you say? Do you have a pastor who could honestly speak into your life? Is your husband open to change? More importantly, what do YOU think?
I can tell you that my husband and I have had many more good years than bad in our 27 year marriage. When the infidelity issue came about we had been married 22 years. I realize now that there were “parts” of my husband’s emotional intelligence that had been damaged from childhood (but I can honestly say that my emotional intelligence needed tweaking too). Together we are tackling those parts of ourselves that don’t always respond selflessly to the other. I could not dismiss him as “emotionally immature” because of our past history that proves otherwise. Yes, he was really stupid with the affairs, something he readily admits; he got lost and lacked the wisdom to disentangle himself from the behaviors. Thankfully we are all teachable!