Q&A Can We Heal Even When He Still Can’t Give Me a Full Account of His Affair?

Submitted by Leslie_Hardie Wed, 01/20/2021 - 09:58

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Question: 

D-Day was 12 years ago. My husband has gaslit, lied, and trickle truthed his way over the years. Now that it has been so long ago, he says he doesn’t remember any details. We found Affair Recovery, have been doing the bootcamp, and watching videos. We both signed up for the group sessions. I’m so angry now. I’ve been patient for 12 years. Now that he's working on it, he's been giving new information about other indiscretions. I’ve been flooding, raging and I’m so angry, I want to walk away. Can we heal even when he still can’t give me a full account of his affair?

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whats the "trying to remember" look like?

Submitted by [name hidden] on

It feels much like an out when he says " I don't know" or I don't remember" and because "I don't remember it must have not been that bad." That is not helpful. The simple fact there was anything is in itself bad.

I would love to replace my thinking that he is choosing to not remember, with something more helpful for my recovery in the long run, but that feels like releasing him from responsibility of his actions. Someone has to give in- but who? Me? the one who has already given so much?

What type of affair was it?

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I would highly recommend giving this a try.
 
-D, Texas