Q&A Could His Early Experience Have Played a Part in His Affair and His Attitude Toward Sex Now?

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My husband had an emotional and sexual affair for three months last year. He has since shared his frustrations with our marriage, including dissatisfaction with the quantity of sex in our marriage and the fact that I often wouldn't cuddle with him for long periods afterwards; he has also told me he didn’t feel loved and affirmed by me. He said that his extensive overseas travel over the last few years put him in the path of many women who would throw themselves at him and he eventually decided last year he would engage in sex with someone other than me. Now that we are having more honest and open conversations I am concerned about some more things. He had a troubling first sexual experience. At 13, an older girl told him she wanted to teach him to kiss but then took off his pants and guided him to having sex. He says he was confused since none of his peers were sexually active and he hadn’t planned to have sex that young. Sadly, he still feels uncomfortable about it. He went on to be promiscuous until he met me at 20 and was faithful for 22 years. His sex drive is high – he asked me for sex almost daily and said he masturbates a lot; he also admitted he began watching porn last year. The affair took place in the same country as his first sexual encounter. I am three years older than him, the same as his first sexual partner. He has always found it especially arousing when I am angry or crying. Could any of the aforementioned be factors in the affair? I have a strong feeling that he connects sex with intimacy and sees it as a way back to one another. Am I right? Could his early experience have played a part in his affair and his attitude to sex now? Do you see any red flags here?



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