Q&A If My Unfaithful Mate Was Mentally ill, Do I Have the Right to Be Angry with Him?

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Question: 

My psychiatrist, my individual counselor and our marriage counselor, all believe my husband was mentally ill at the time of the affair. They believe he has bipolar disorder. They say bipolar hyper sexuality is a symptom, and affairs are extremely common during mania. I recognize that he was "not himself" during the affair. His behaviors were so bizarre. I discovered he secretly videotaped us having sex and that he was communicating with the. He was running 20-30 kilometers every other day, shopping all the time, berating and persecuting me, not sleeping etc. I have been so angry about the affair, but my therapists all say I am in denial about his illness. If he was ill -- I have to recognize he was not completely in control. But I just can't make myself believe it. I know the video tape is like the smoking gun. But I can't let any of it go. It has been 7 months and it's only been in the last two months I've truly realized he was probably sick. But if he was sick -- do I not have the right to be angry with him? Where do I direct my rage and hurt? I feel so broken and horrified that this is my life. Why can't I accept that he was actually ill? My husband has said he was "so sick" but then other times he denies it and says he snapped because I "abused him for 15 years". I feel so lost.

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