Q&A How Can I Share My Emotions without Triggering My Partners Shame?

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Question: 

My husband's shame is preventing him from connecting to me, and that's preventing me from being vulnerable. I'm very sad over this. When we try to discuss anything where I feel scared, for example when he forgot to pay his speeding ticket, he either becomes defensive, withdrawals, or attacks me as nagging him. I tell him I believe he may be going into one of those three when I notice it and ask if he can share how he feels, he breaks down and either cries or withdrawals again and we can't re-engage. We are 16 months from D-Day and my husband is a sex addict. He's doing okay at that recovery but seems stuck on this one. In the beginning I wasn't healthy, so I can understand a fear to open up, but I don't know how to approach not being able to share my feelings in my marriage. It breaks my heart. I tried simply stating that today, we went through the same cycle, and now I'm writing this. I pray, meditate, and work out, so happy when engaged in life activities, but it's those quiet moments in between that I dread. Is there a way to make myself put this need, to share my feelings on the back burner while he's healing his shame? Am I doing it right?

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