Q&A Is My Wife Safe?

Hi I am 15 months past Discovery. My wife has yet to show true sorrow for my pain. She gets mad at me when I am sad or need her to be there for me and listen. When I tell her what I am sad about she takes it as a personal attack although I usually have tears in my eyes or barely enough energy to be standing up. She tells me that she has feelings too and that I never let her talk and never listen to her. She has a difficult time even hearing what I am saying or being able to keep her anger and defensiveness at bay. At the end of the day I am left feeling alone and unheard and just want my wife back minus the affair. She is in hope for healing and I am in HH. We did EMS weekend and EMSO I feel like someone needs to speak hard truth to her or take her to the woodshed as Samuel would say but I know it cannot be me any suggestions? Thank you both.