Q&A How Can She Be So Kind Now after the Way She Treated Me Just a Year Ago?

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Question: 

Hi John and Leslie, my wife and I are 15 months post D-Day and we seem to be doing pretty good, all things considered. However, I have lingering confusion now that I'm able to see that my wife is trying. As much as I love and appreciate her shows of affection and acts of kindness and the general goodwill she tries to foster, it just sets off some kind of survival-instinct-like, warning bell in my head simply because her loving actions are so inconsistent with her cheating on me and how she treated me during and, for a time, after her affair. It seems all too common that people ask, "How can a betrayed spouse stay with the unfaithful?" But I seem to struggle more with, "How can the unfaithful spouse stay with the betrayed?" I know her doing a 180 from a year ago is a good thing, but to my wounded heart and mind, it doesn't make sense. I actually have trouble accepting the love she seems to show because it's so hard for me to comprehend how she can be so kind now after everything that happened a little over a year ago. How do I resolve that inner conflict?

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