My spouse thinks it’s taking too long for a God fearing Bible teaching girl like me to get over his one night stand of the low rent rendezvous drunken variety. My past is filled with what I thought was resolved very extreme past trauma and I had been living in victory in my identity in Christ for years. His actions ripped wide open those horrific places that I truly believed were healed and I clearly have PTSD diagnosed. I am committed to forgiveness but believe this is a process and I don’t seem to be grieving well. I cannot even cry. I am still in a state of horrified shock 19 months out and have not slept one night without prescription drugs. Some bad pastoral as well as licensed counselor therapy have contributed to our ongoing struggle. We finally have a good therapist and I have joined Harboring Hope. Not only was I betrayed sexually by my husband but by my best friend, my husband. We had just returned from a second honeymoon when this happened 4 days later. Him and I did everything together and truly were the most happily married couple we knew. Most nights I wish I just wouldn’t wake up because this hurts so badly. Then I feel guilty because of how that would impact and hurt our adult children and grandchildren. He is genuinely sorrowful and repentant but I’m a wreck.