Q&A How Do I Get Him to Get It?

To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
Gain unlimited access to over 1,800 articles and expert Q&A videos.
Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.


I am about 6 months from discovery. My spouse listens and tries to be empathic but there is no emotion when he does it and his hugs feel stiff. He wants to build our future and says that he doesn’t think staying in the past helps. It’s like he is trying to wait me out but not taking an active role in the healing. He does projects to make the house and gives me gifts to show he cares, but he doesn’t really know how to comfort me—it feels like he is going through the motions and it doesn’t feel genuine. If feels like he is just doing what he supposed to do so I will get over it, but there isn’t feeling behind it. I do know he feels remorse. He says he does not want to pressure me about moving forward but his actions and talking about not staying in the past and moving forward make me feel pressure. He asked me what he should be doing differently and I said I don’t feel like you really get it but he gets defensive and says he has reflected back what my feelings are and that he’s trying to be thoughtful. He says we talk about my same feelings over and over. What feels missing is a genuine emotional connection. I don’t know how to tell him to do that. How do I explain what’s missing?



RL_Media Type: 

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer

Free Surviving Infidelity Bootcamp

Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. Be intentional with your healing with this free 7-day bootcamp.
I would highly recommend giving this a try.
-D, Texas