Q&A How Do I Know When to Stand up and Say Enough Is Enough?

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After D-Day and subsequently my husband's sex and porn addiction discovery, I found it very stressful to constantly feel the need to check in and ask him if he struggled that day. So I agreed that I would be here to support him in his healing, as long as he would be honest and open and tell me any time he struggled with his addiction. This theory was tested when he told me he struggled and I was very careful not to react angrily; just listening and supporting him. Well, last week I discovered that he was looking at pornographic pictures and had been struggling for the past month. Needless to say, that felt like a knife to my heart. It's not so much the looking that bothers me, but more the fact that he didn't tell me, especially when we specifically agreed to that. But he says that our therapist told him not to tell me because it would hinder my recovery. Clearly he chose to listen to the therapist instead of my personal request... and now I'm unsure if I can hold that against him. At this point I feel like I've given him numerous chances to be open and honest with me, yet every time he's caught in a lie he has a seemingly plausible excuse which makes me question whether it should really bother me or not. So my question is; how do I know when to stop giving chances? How do I know when to stand up and say enough is enough? I'm kind of feeling like a doormat right now, like my feelings and request for honesty only matter when it suits him.



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