Q&A How Do I Learn to Enjoy Anything in My Life?

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Question: 

I am 8 months from disclosure and I believe that I received the entire truth in a single day. So I have not been subject to multiple disclosures, just clarification as needed on my part. However, I frequently find that any positive interaction with my husband results in my mind immediately wondering if he said that, did that or felt that with her, or even looked at her that way. That very quickly robs me of any joy or comfort the moment had the potential to offer and puts barriers between us. My husband is truly remorseful and understanding and has done everything possible to reassure me of his feelings for me, both now, and during his affair. His affair was many years ago and appears to be superficial. He had less than a dozen physical interactions over the course of a year, including intercourse twice, and at times did not seem to even like his AP. He says he wanted to stop the affair at some points but she was his boss and they interacted daily regardless of how he felt. (He was always a willing participant however and could not seem to stay away from her) My husband is doing everything possible to help me heal, and the problem now lies solely in me. How do I stop sucking the joy out of every moment, tormented by how he may have felt, or looked, or what he said or did with her. I just can't get it out of my head, and it makes me feel like her leftovers, that nothing is meaningful with me, even though I know in my head he feels it is very meaningful and special.

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So helpful to look at the

So helpful to look at the affair 'relationship' as playing a role. Thank you.

Your response to this

Your response to this question was so helpful. I’m a year out from discovery and there are still times I wonder if what my husband has said to me are things he has said to his AP. Thinking that he was “playing a role” has given me a new perspective on things. My husband from day one has been remorseful and sympathetic towards me and is doing everything he can to restore our marriage. Thank you John and Leslie and Affair Recovery in helping all of us to recover whether or not we restore our marriages.