My husband had a long-distance affair 9 years ago that lasted 3 months. After D-Day 1, the drastic weight loss and stress caused a miscarriage of our first child. We went to 6 months of counseling post affair but spent most of the time talking about his alcohol abuse and his first marriage resentments that affected his sobriety. We never really dealt with the affair other than saying it wasn't what he thought it was. He says he was confused by drinking and looking for an escape. In 2016, he relapsed on the alcohol, and began another long-distance affair for 7 months, until the AP relocated to our town. She and her children are still here, I moved away with our child 3 months after he left us upon AP arrival, he wasn’t living with her but continued the affair. He’d said the entire time he wanted reconciliation and recently signed us up for EMS. During both affairs he took AP’s to “our” places, anniversaries, our new dream home, bedroom; was with them during special holidays, my/his birthday, etc. Our daughter’s birthday is literally the only thing left he hasn't shared with APs. I feel like all of mine and my families planned future is robbed and all past memories are each a trigger.