Q&A How Can We Heal Our Marriage and Create Safety with Family Members?

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Question: 

My husband had his 5th betrayal in 8 years and we are separated this time. I am hopeful that I will recover, divorce or no divorce. This time I see an additional roadblock in my future should my husband and I reconcile: my mother-in-law. She supported and endorsed the affair, even developing a friendship with the affair partner. She assisted in its secrecy and did nothing to stop my husband from taking my teen daughter to this woman’s home. My daughter is not a child, immediately sensed the affair, discovered Grandma’s support by snooping in her cell phone, and came home from her visit to Grandma’s completely traumatized. It was my daughter who revealed the affair to me. How can my marriage survive the rage I feel towards his mother? She has openly favored him over her other children. She has enabled him and he has confided in a one-sided manner about our marriage from day 1. How will I trust this Mama’s boy to put me first AND be honest with his family about who I really am? I’ve since found out he completely fabricated stories about me to his family to justify his actions, and of course he also omitted his abusive behavior to them. I’m showing you only the ugly here in my husband. He is an amazing person in many ways, but his mother has an unhealthy influence here and I, and my daughter, don’t know how to consider a relationship with her at this point. My daughter feels like she lost a father and grandmother all in one day. Beyond the anger I already have for my husband; I can at least see a possibility of him and I truly examining ourselves here. What role, if any, does my husband have here? I don’t know how to have a truly healthy marriage in the future with this rage I feel towards his mother and my husband’s immature relationship with her.

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