The Affair Recovery materials have helped me to understand that I have never grieved and processed major trauma correctly. For decades I have simply stuffed the pain and acted like things were okay when they weren't. My husband's affair is the worst pain I've ever experienced. I am determined to grieve the many losses appropriately this time, so they lose power over time instead of controlling me years from now. So, when the triggers, memories and ugly images come how do I know whether to sit with them, feel the pain, and grieve the losses, or push the images away and find something else to do or think about? How do I discern the difference between helpful, necessary, healthy processing, and unhelpful, needless, harmful ruminating?