Q&A How Do We Handle Transparency in Recovery?

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My husband had two office affairs. The first one had barely started because the woman was offshore when I found out about it (saw a few emails when he was using his work phone to respond). Later I checked his work phone and confronted. We went to counseling and it was agreed that I won't check his work emails and he will involve me more with his work life, talk about me, mention me, etc etc. Two years later, I found strange texts again from another woman at work and it was later revealed to be another work affair. He deleted some emails. I contacted the other woman and she immediately sent him an email threatening HR action if he contacted her personally. He then gave me access to his work emails and started recording chats. He changed companies in a month (better offer, nothing to do with affair), and continued it till last week. In between, I confronted him about some chats that I thought we too personal (too helpful) and he didn't. Now he's arguing that it is unhealthy and unethical for me to check his work emails, and has changed his passwords for his office account. I know it will only give me a false sense of safety but at least it will make it harder for him to cheat. What should / shouldn't I do?



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