Q&A Is It Even Possible to Be Open to Reconciliation after a Divorce While Focusing on Myself?

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My (now ex-) husband had a Type 4 affair with strong elements from a Type 6: it followed every description of Type 4 except for the divorce, but he is also a serial relationship hopper whose relationships have always overlapped (except between me and the previous girlfriend). After D-Day but before filing for divorce, he would say things like it might be a mistake to leave me but one he had to make, he still loved me, he still wanted me to be in his life, and no one would ever love him like I do—all while insisting on a divorce that I in no way wanted. The divorce was final this week and his relationship with the AP has continued this entire time. Recently (before it was final and as recent as today), he has been saying things like he wishes he could live two lives, one with me and one with her, and that he misses me. But he also says that he hopes one day I will meet the AP! How do I deal with this post-divorce ambivalence? I’ve told him that once everything is final with our house then I cannot be a part of his life as long as the AP is. But a large part of me still wants to reconcile, and his words confuse me. How can I do what’s best for my personal healing? Is it even possible to be open to reconciliation after a divorce while focusing on myself? We do not have kids. I could potentially cut all ties and never speak to him again, but he wants to still be a part of each other's lives as friends/family but not partners. But he also says these things that imply some ambivalence to me. Since I still desire reconciliation but am also trying to focus on my own healing, I feel confused about how to proceed. I know that I need move forward in a way that prioritizes my own personal interest, but I'm struggling with the idea of cutting ties with him even though I've told him that I will need to.



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