I'm a betrayed male struggling with self-blame for my wife's affairs. As one who had struggled showing my weaknesses to others, after 10 years at an unhappy job along with other hardships, I wrongfully and regretfully turned to drugs as a coping means rather than turning towards my wife. After individual counseling and lots of reading I am fully aware that my past habits were a huge betrayal in and of themselves to her, but I can't stop blaming myself for her resulting short term affairs. At the same time I can't help feeling her betrayals were far worse, but were they? Was her behavior justified? I promised myself I would never again argue with her over who hurt who more, but am I wrong for feeling she is comparing apples to oranges?