Q&A Why Has My Husband Re-written Our Marital History?

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We are 3 months post D-Day and living separately, although he has cut off all contact with the affair partner. We take a walk and talk most days about where we are. While he has expressed deep remorse for what he did and the pain he has caused me and our family, he remains conflicted about whether he wants to try to reconcile. He says that he has not thought of me as a "wife", so much as a good "friend", for the past 6 plus years. This came as a great shock to me, as he would often tell me how much I turned him on and shouldn't I be happy that my husband still found me so attractive. I am struggling as to whether this is him "changing history" due to his coping with the guilt of the affair, or if it is truly how he has felt for so long. While I know you can't know what is the "truth", is this common for the wayward spouse due to still being in a "fog" of sorts distorting reality? If that is true despite sharing a very different "reality" with me, then I can't see fighting for a marriage that has been long dead, I just didn't know it. Or do I need to be patient and wait for more of the "fog" to clear for him to have a more "real" perspective of a marriage certainly in need of work but not the prison he has made it out to be since D-Day?



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