Q&A What Do I Do with Intense Thoughts during Sexual Interactions?

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Question: 

I’m 20 months into recovery from D-Day #1 and 18 months from D-Day #2. My husband is doing everything I ask to be safe for me and pursue his own healing and the healing of our marriage. We have regularly engaged in sex since D-Day. At first it wasn’t too hard for me but it has progressively gotten worse and worse. I’m to the place now where any sexual interaction brings on horrible intrusive thoughts. Even kissing. I have done 6 sessions of EMDR and I pray every day to get better from this. I start out wanting very much to have sex, to kiss and enjoy connection, but during or after I am barraged by intrusive thoughts that are increasingly torturous. My husband is very understanding and tries his best to comfort me and does not pressure me for anything. I’m feeling hopeless and don’t know what to do. This is something I don’t want to lose and I am devastated. We used to be each other’s only sexual partners and this loss feels like too much for me. Your thoughts would be appreciated.

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Prayer

Just wanted to second Leslie about praying together and John's suggestion to take some time off of sex. I'd prayed about this for months, but when I asked my husband to pray specifically about this also, I was amazed at God's response. After a couple of weeks of prayer and a time of not having sex while I dealt with my emotions, we had our first "just us" time together where the AP didn't fight my mind, and it was beautiful.

Now, every time since then hasn't been that way, but the intrusive thoughts have weakened. Though they still show up sometimes, they aren't torturous anymore. Opening my eyes as Leslie suggested in other videos has also helped with that. But my husband talking to God about this for my sake has made the biggest difference in this area.

I hope for healing for all of us as time goes on.

Prayer

Just wanted to second Leslie about praying together and John's suggestion to take some time off of sex. I'd prayed about this for months, but when I asked my husband to pray specifically about this also, I was amazed at God's response. After a couple of weeks of prayer and a time of not having sex while I dealt with my emotions, we had our first "just us" time together where the AP didn't fight my mind, and it was beautiful.

Now, every time since then hasn't been that way, but the intrusive thoughts have weakened. Though they still show up sometimes, they aren't torturous anymore. Opening my eyes as Leslie suggested in other videos has also helped with that. But my husband talking to God about this for my sake has made the biggest difference in this area.

I hope for healing for all of us as time goes on.