Q&A What Should I Do for My Sanity Now?

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I am in a fairly complicated situation and would love some words of encouragement. I found out about three and a half months ago my wife has been in an affair with a co-worker for over 5 years. We have been married 19 years and have four kids. We both work, and prior to March this year she had been traveling extensively for her job. Her co-worker lives across the country, they knew each other for 7 years prior to beginning the affair, and only had been physically engaging when traveling, but talked extensively though out the affair period. They had also “broken up” multiple times throughout the affair only to find themselves coming back together. The affair partner is also married with young children. Most of her travel was for customers and did not include him but due to certain work related requirements they always found themselves in the same place several times per year and the affair was on. Needless to say this is devastating. So the gut reaction from both of us was “let’s fix ourselves and save the marriage”. Easy for me to say of course. We had D-Day one, then she told him it was over. D-Day two a month later, I found out they were still talking. Complete devastation again but we resolved to get through it. D-Day three was five days ago. They have continued to talk even though a week ago I asked her point blank if they had been in contact and she said no. It was not true. She claims she’s been working to cut the cord and this continued talking was necessary to get to that point. Of course lied because she didn’t want to hurt me. She said while I was ready on “day 1” to start fixing things she couldn’t get there that quickly, and only very recently has felt she could start to work on herself (she did just start expert help) and let the affair partner go for good. I believe she is sincere but I feel I am up against a monster. What should I do for my mental sanity now? This has caused me to reach a point I feel I may finally be breaking down. What should she do?



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