Q&A What's the Difference between Being Emotionally Attached and Unable to Detach?

Submitted by Leslie_Hardie 8 years ago

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Question: 

I heard you discuss this in one of your other videos and I think that may have happened with my husband. I felt that his inability to end the 5 month affair even though he said he tried numerous times was a result of him being emotionally attached but he has tried to explain how he just couldn't do it. And was relieved when I found out because he was finally able to end it for real. There was no ambivalence or teetering and I can say for certainty that it ended once I knew. I also should add that this was an affair that was built on major manipulation from his narcissistic AP. It started as a drunken (on his part, she decisively stayed sober) one night stand that induced major shame in my husband that was used to the AP's advantage. Please explain inability to detach more. I have feared that he truly cared for her and that's why he couldn't really end it. But inability to detach matches his explanations of how hard it was for him to end the vicious cycle.

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I would highly recommend giving this a try.
 
-D, Texas

Thank you

Submitted by [name hidden] on

This video has brought me a much needed sense of peace!! I truly feared that my H had strong feelings for the OW that despite he's trying to explain otherwise. I worried that he was just trying to do the right thing by me because of guilt and that one day he would just miss her terribly and we'd be back where this started.
But hearing it all said in this one video in a such a clear way just connected the pieces beautifully for me. I particularly appreciated Leslie's closing comment that the affair didn't mean he cared for her!
I truly believe the drunken one nighter broke him or caused him to fall as was said in the video and he's way of coping with his shame and regret is a reflection of him not of me or how he felt for me. Guilt I was wrongfully owning!
Thank you again for these videos they mean so much in my recovery!