Q&A Why Am I Having an Emotional Reaction When My Spouse Shows Interest in Things Besides Recovery?

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Question: 

We have been married 30 years and are 10 months past D-Day. His affair was a non-emotional affair that lasted about three years and was over for 8 months before I found out. He says he loved me and never intended to leave me. We did EMS Online and are currently in Married for Life. We also see our counselor regularly. He is working on recovery and actively involved in counseling, Married for Life, and reading books as well. We are happy and reconnected in so many ways so I’m stumped when I feel irritated when he pursues any interest that doesn’t involve me. Examples would be looking at hunting equipment or fitness programs. These are both pursuits he does alone without anyone else so it’s not jealousy. He spends very little time on them and doesn’t neglect me however it’s just a visceral feeling I get when he says he’s going to go for a run or he is surfing the internet besides me looking at new hunting rifles. I haven’t expressed any of this to him because I would feel like I was scolding “you had an affair so you do not get to buy a new rifle or a new weight bench”. I don’t want to feel like this when it happens but I can’t seem to stifle those feelings.

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