Q&A Why Can't My Husband Face That This Was an Affair?

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Question: 

My husband can't bear to face that his relationship with his best friend was really an emotional affair. While our church convinced him to break off that friendship years ago for the sake of how much it was hurting me, he insists he never did anything inherently wrong and still resents me for taking her away from him. He already hates himself and says he would have a mental break if ever he was convinced that “affair” really is the right label. I keep seeing all sorts of articles that describe his kinds of behaviors as typical for an unfaithful spouse, and I wish he could get past the label and get the help I need him to get to make me feel safe in his future interactions with women. How do I convince him that his worth is not on the line, but healing is right around the corner if he'd just be brave enough to face the label? I can't be the only one whose spouse minimizes the offenses and gets defensive because I've been so accusatory and have made an already-scary situation even more unsafe for him to face.

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