Q&A Will I Ever Be Able to See My Husband the Same Way?

Submitted by Leslie_Hardie Mon, 03/05/2018 - 11:28

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Question: 

I just feel like I no longer know who he is. What else he is capable of. Along with the pain and hate and rage is a feeling of complete isolation. I feel like the man who I centered my life around was never the person I believed him to be, like he is no longer worth loving. And yet I have 3 small kids with him. I am so lonely. I feel so lost. And I don't know how to ever look at him without pain and mistrust again. He isn't doing enough to make me feel loved and safe, I suppose. Which leaves me asking -- what am I doing? Why aim for recovery with someone who has become a stranger to me?

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I can relate

Submitted by [name hidden] on

Thank you so much for this question and response. I can relate to this question as I have asked myself this often. I can say that after disclosure and polygraph a year ago, I am now seeing the authentic side of my husband, He is very active attending SAA meetings several times a week and participating in a men's therapy group weekly. It was not until I let go of his recovery that he has taken responsibility to do this on his own. I am still healing and grieving the loss of who I thought I knew is a large part of this. His willingness to be committed to treatment is central to my decision to still be in our marriage. I am taking it one day at a time.

I can relate

Submitted by [name hidden] on

Thank you so much for this question and response. I can relate to this question as I have asked myself this often. I can say that after disclosure and polygraph a year ago, I am now seeing the authentic side of my husband, He is very active attending SAA meetings several times a week and participating in a men's therapy group weekly. It was not until I let go of his recovery that he has taken responsibility to do this on his own. I am still healing and grieving the loss of who I thought I knew is a large part of this. His willingness to be committed to treatment is central to my decision to still be in our marriage. I am taking it one day at a time.

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I would highly recommend giving this a try.
 
-D, Texas