Q&A Will My Mate Forever Grieve Losing the Affair Partner?

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Question: 

We are in EMSO and I am in Harboring Hope. I feel we are moving forward and my husband is finally showing empathy. We talk a lot and he shares a lot of what he is feeling. He made a comment about regretting the affair but not regretting loving the AP or helping her out. He helped her out of that and became her “person”. I am trying to be patient but this seems like he is still justifying the relationship. With each week of EMSO his thinking seems to shift slightly towards empathy and understanding the cost but since no one in our life knows about what has happened I think it is hard for him to grasp the enormity of what he had risked or what the consequences could have been in addition to what it has done to me. Part of me wonders, do I have to accept the fact he may always view this as a love that he will forever grieve? He is considering Hope for Healing when we are done EMSO. We are a little discouraged that the unfaithful in our group have little in common with us in that there are a lot of multiple affairs and sex addiction. His was one time and is in love with AP.

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