Q&A Would You Please Help Me Understand?

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My spouse filed for divorce within weeks of me discovery of his affair. He was shocked, to say the least, that I had uncovered it, and he said it was not sexual, although I find that hard to believe considering how much time they spent together on just a friendship. We were separated for several years when I discovered it, but still spending time together and intimately involved giving me hope that we were working on our problems. He has not admitted to anything more about his affair, acting as if it is none of my business. He kept sending me messages, that were flirtatious in nature to me even after he filed for divorce, but never stopped seeing the AP. He seemed to want us both in his life to some degree. I still loved him, and I thought we were trying to reconcile seeing the same therapist individually before the discovery. Was the divorce a way to save face and not have to disclose the affair just in case the affair does not work out? Can the unfaithful have feelings for both the wife and the affair at the same time? If he was done with me, why the contact with warm behavior and suddenly cold other times? Is this manipulation to get what he wants in the divorce, love for me still, or a need for attention due to his insecurities?



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