Q&A Should I Separate from My Mate?

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Question: 

My husband and I have been together for about 9 years and throughout, there has been several incidents of cheating on his part. Through the ups and downs, we have still managed to stick together but I have never been able to fully heal or trust him. He has a child with another woman prior to us dating and has done the same to her. We have a child together and recently decided to get married in April of last year. A few months later I discovered he was having an affair with a woman out of state while he traveled. Completely devastated, being that we just got married, I have not been able to wrap my head around this with half-truths and the constant lies. He said he stopped seeing the AP but I don't believe him. I feel he will relapse very easily. We attended another marriage weekend which gave me hope but I feel I let my guard down too soon and caught him in more lies. He is very defensive when I ask questions and refuses accountability with phones, internet, etc. He feels I am trying to control him but I'm not. I just don't feel safe with him and he says he will no longer attend counseling, weekends, etc because all I do is accuse him and "look for problems". His attitude towards me is not remorseful and selfish. He's rather pretend things are normal and me stay quiet about my thoughts and feelings. I do therapy on my own, did a 12 step program and just signed up for Harboring Hope. He feels he doesn't need to do work on his part and I honestly feel there is no respect or trust. Staying in the marriage is really draining me. I feel led to separate because if I stay and pretend, things will get worse and the fighting will not stop.

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