Q&A Am I Wrong to Ask Her to Stop Social Media Use?

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I have been married for 21 years and we have five children. We are in week six of EMS Online the program is great but we continue to have one major hang up, which is my wife's social media use. My wife had one emotional affair through social media 8 years ago for three years. She stopped the affair because they had "become too close". She then had another emotional and physical affair for the last six years. Discovery was made through discovering my wife's Instagram messages and personally messaged explicit photographs. During discovery I found out my wife had five Twitter accounts, three Instagram accounts, and two Facebook accounts. She had somewhere in the order of 20,000-30,000 Instagram messages to the her last affair partner (she deleted partly before I was able to see all of them). These messaged progressed from emotional connection conversations (music, religion, philosophy) to exclusively sexually explicit messages during the last two years. Recognizing that social media facilitated secret relationships, facilitated disinhibited sexual messages, and then ultimately led to an in-person affair, I established a condition of eliminating social media for my safety and to allow healing. My wife at first deleted some of her social media accounts, but refused others. After continued turmoil in our healing and me making preparations for divorce, my wife relented and gave up the other accounts. It has, however, been a continued issue. While attending marriage therapy and still going through affair disclosure my wife fixates on "needing" social media. This is so hurtful and greatly disrupts any progress on recovery. I don't understand after years of affairs, emotional damage to me, destruction of our marriage, our family, why social media is still so important and why she can't just shelf it. I see this social media as a major direct and symbolic issue. It is the largest trigger for me. Am I wrong to ask her to stop social media use? Is this addiction? Have you seen unfaithful wives whose affairs evolved around social media? What recommendations do you have to help us move through this?



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