Q&A Should I Be Concerned about My Mates Behavior Patterns?

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My husband has hidden who he is since I met him. Over the course of our marriage, he has attended AA for 10 years, but quit going when he started his physical affair and has attended SA meetings and men's retreats for sexual integrity. He has abused porn, sexual hookup sites, hookers, food, alcohol, video games, spending, and had a physical affair for 2 years. When he asked to come home, I told him that things needed to be different. I asked him what he was willing to do to work on personal growth. He agreed to have no contact with other women, attend celebrate recovery, marriage counseling, and go back to church. He has been home for 14 months. In that time, he has continued to abuse porn while lying to both me and 2 counselors, has gotten drunk at least once while telling me I was crazy for thinking he was drinking at all after agreeing with our counselor and me that he wouldn't drink any more, continued to spend over our agreed upon budget, done secret eating while telling me he was dieting, and continues to be irritable towards me and our children. He has had 4 or 5 sessions of EMDR and attended 5 recovery meetings. I was so excited when he asked to come home. I really thought this time he had hit a bottom that would encourage change. He tells me I am just angry and bitter about his cheating because I am increasingly uninterested in engaging him, I avoid bringing up how I feel, and don't choose to talk about the future. I say I am still living in the nightmare of untreated addiction and cannot reattach. I love my husband and want nothing more for him to become a healthy person. I want to be open to recognizing changes he is making. How do you see this situation? Is he right that I am just bitter or is his behavior something I should be concerned about?



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