Q&A Are Intrusive Suicidal Thoughts Common?

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Question: 

I searched to see if there was any info on this odd thing that happened to me two days ago. I was home alone working on the computer when out of nowhere I had an intrusive suicidal thought. This threw me for a loop because I want to live and I’m not contemplating suicide; this was like an inner voice or thought not originating with me saying, “You’d be better off dead right now than to be in so much pain all day. Go ahead, end your life.” It created an immediate anxiety attack and immense fear. It was like a kind of OCD experience that I thought I had no control over, I wanted to run from it. Instead I picked up the phone and chatted with my daughter trying to focus on our conversation instead and not telling her my fear. Then after that I called my husband at work and described the experience to him and he was quite concerned. Then I drove to my other daughter’s house and took an hour long walk with my grandchildren. The voice went away fairly quickly with my actions and it hasn’t come back, but it sure as heck gave me a fright. I plan to discuss this with our counselor this week. I tried to do my own research and I think it might be a trauma response that is not a real suicidal thought as there’s no planning involved...it’s more like an intrusive thought from the outside. Have you heard of this? Is it a common response? I thought I’d share it here in case there were others who have been frightened by such intrusions into their rational minds.

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I had something similar happen today.

It wasn’t suicidal but it was an intrusive thought telling me to leave my family. I was out on the lake my wife, our kids, and my in-laws. It was like something from the outside was telling me “you don’t want to be here, you know this isn’t really your family. You don’t even like being on the water. Why are you here with these people when you know you want to leave? Just go. Leave them all behind and don’t look back. They’ll be fine and it won’t even matter if you’re not here in their lives.” I asked to feet off the boat and my 3 year old got off with me. We went up to the house and got a snack. Spending that time with him opened my heart and pushed that voice away. It was a troubling experience though. I told my wife about it and we talked for a while.

I have suicidal thoughts

I have suicidal thoughts often but not strong enough to act on them. The pain and heartache is so great that it feels like it would be better to not wake up than deal with this

Suicidal Thoughts

This week is the 1 year anniversary of my last D-Day, a culmination of a 38 year marriage with too many of those to mention.I cannot count how many images of ending my life have flashed before my private " inner" eyes. Fortunately on the heals of those thoughts comes the vision of my son telling our grandsons what grandpa did and why they wont being seeing him anymore. That vision snaps me right out of it. Further visions are the way suicide is a cowardly totally self-absorbed act , a product of not moving beyond the shame response. When shame morphs into guilt we can begin to atone, and then move to empathy, but not before.The HFH programs have been more helpful than the thousands of $ I have spent in my life with therapists, and feeling God's love for me through prayer immensely more valuable than all 15 APs but together ( DUH-H).